Something I m troubled

Well, hi all.
You must be thinking why am I blogging on a weekday since I use to be blogging during the last day of the week.
Well, is just that something has been really bothering me and dun wish to bottle it within me as I am afraid that something will go wrong with me like what I did during the army days.

Well, back to this things that is very very confusing and troubling me.
"I" is back from the holiday. Somehow I feel that there is a distance between us, but I am just sure cos that feeling only comes when she and I are talking on MSN or smsing. When we are face to face talking, everything is just like friends and not like in a relationship.

Before she came back, she indicated to me why must she come back. I know that this means that she will go back no matter wat. Friends told me that they dun think that this relationship will last since that she will go back no matter what. I know that "I" wans me to go over there but finding job over there is not as easy as there is more of the IT based company. Beside, "I" can easily find a job with a word from the father.

Should this relationship end before it is too late?
I remember once in Aus when "I" and I was quarrling, she told me that once we break up there is not even a chance of being friends. There will be no communication between us. I wonder if she has ever loved me?

Wat you think? My friend told me that this could be just a feeling that we have while in Aus and continued over here. Once she is back in her country, she may find someone and since we are in 2 diff country, who knows.

Oh dear readers, what do you advise me?
I am afraid that this is a one sided relationship. But she is a gal that once she is in a relationship she will not betray, tats what her friend say.

Another ............

Time really pass by so quickly and now we have welcome the month of August.
Wat is happening in August? Well, is the same thing tat we will celebrate every year which the birthday of Singapore.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE"
A sad thing to note is that the fireworks each year is more or less similar. I wonder issit due to the lack of space in singapore to introduce more spectacular pyrotechnics. Well, having said this I for one has been going down to snap pics of the fireworks every sat. Got to know some friends and also see old friends whom we went to snap models once on an outing. Singapore is really really small as you all should have known.

Recently have been poisoned once again by Macro once by the gang. Once the macro shot of water droplet has already fascinated me into the realm of Macro, this time round is the macro of creepy crawlers. But is through this outing that i got to know more friends and more sharing sessions.

Having known these group of friends really brighten me up. Jokes, outing, sharing, comments on how to take better pics.

Well, tomorrow is a birthday of a friend whom I know erm not long.
I wish him a Happy Birthday and hope his dreams of further studies, more design work will come true. Most of all is that he and his cute girl will be together always.

Today is also the day that L returned from her holidays.
Sad to hear her say that she did not want to come back since she is comfortable back in her own country. Guess this more or less signify something for me.

Here are some shots I took. And before I forget, Arina the shot in for you.

A Damn Week

This week is a very damn and not my day week.
Throughout the week, at work I was like been thrown with alot of work and the worst part is that the supervisor who was suppose to teach me just throw me the damn thing and expect me to know it without any guidance. What the hell.
He is the one who has gone through the training for the insturments that we are handling and servicing, and he only taught me 1 instrument of the whole range. Everytime ask him he will say just read the manual, do according to the manual. If everything is according to the manual, then why the hell do the customers need us to troubleshoot it?
Last week was also tackling a unit which was a killer and headache for me. I was sad by the words he say:"You dunno know how to read the email? Did you read the email carefully? Why cant you follow the steps stated in the email" How i was to say to him that, your email is not clear, and how am I suppose to know what is what!!!!!!!!!
But i have just to endure it as I am just a employee and I am just piss off that the salary I am taking if not even worth the work that I am doing. Pay so little, do so many work altough there is flexiblilty.
I am damned so going to change job. I cannot handle this company already, the management level sucks, ppl do their own things.

Sat went to took macro shoots with a group of photographers. Learnt alot from them but the attachment was too little to share around and take the macro shoots so i just walked around and observe how ppl take the shoots. Took 1 shot of the macro and was quite nice. Damned the posion is coming already. The posion of macro.

Later the in the day went to take fireworks again. Yes again, many will think tat i am crazy to take fireworks for such continuous sat. Well, I treat it as a form to practice and honing my accuracy. I am sorry that I made a mistake in the timing of the firework when I told a friend and made her miss the fireworx.

Well do enjoy the following fireworks pic.

Moody/Gloomy

Ever since L went back to the country for holidays, life seems to be quite empty. Am I too deep into L? This always happen when L goes back for holidays, sms and msn seems very rare and sometimes to the zitch(nil).
The only thing that L sms me is to help to harvest and plant things on the online game. Am I only remembered when such things are need to be done? Many ppl told me that I should stop and back up abit, but I think the depth is quite deep for me to back up. Well, currently I believed that I have been taking a step at a time. The words tat L said keeps appearing in my mind and that is wat making me to take a step at a time. "No matter what I will still go back." Sometimes I wonder since this is the case why did L in the first place came here to study? If nothing here is worth for L to stay then why come? Still have to be bonded for 3yrs to pay off the tution loan. I really dun understand.
The funny thing is that even with this sentence that L said, I still like L and is like I only have 3 yrs to live with L beside me. Am I stupid in thinking so? Too traditional guy am I? Seeing the couple beside me whom just got together recently, I find them very different from L n me. Could it be that we are from different country and that the thinking is totally different? During the times in australia, L and I seems to think similar in some way but sometimes do have lots and lots of conflict.
Have hurt L so much, began to think back and reflect. Changed from the time I was in Aus and now. Well, at least I tend to listen to wat ppl say, change my attitude, smile more often(which some say I have yet done so)

Well, L is coming back soon and I am anxious to see her but on the other hand I am holding back.
Wat am i suppose to do?

Someone helpppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How true

Have been very busy with shooting and has caused me to rethink and ponder what is going on with me. Is this a sudden interest in shooting or am i really wish to improve myself and venture into this field.
Frankly speaking, the interest and passion I have for photography and design is strong. BUt just that I find that I don make use of them like practicing them as much as I can.
Like wat a friend lectured me, knowing is the 1st portion and doing is the 2nd portion. Now that I have the 1st portion, its bloody hell time for me to proceed to the 2nd portion instead of saying that I have not improve nor say that other works are better than me.

Like my lecturer said, I take criticism to hard, which is my stumbling block. I think I have set to high my expectation and should try to take criticism not too hard.
They say that they can see that I have the passion for the design and I have the artistically side and I should work towards the envision which I forsee myself. I should take things slow and that the improvement might be faster ..... they say. This i agree, I myself is a very anxious guy.
I should learn how to slow down.

Haiz so many things to teach myself.

To change for the better. I hope.
Do give me your support.

Haiz again

Well, I think I am going to be dead as my brain has the image of what i wan to do for a logo but somehow or rather i dun think that it is related to photography. It is more like a tattoo design more than related to camera.
Argh.
Back to the board i guess.

Haiz

Is another boring week for me.
I have been thinking again on what my dreams are really meant.
I know I have been through this things once again too many times. Looking at my friends blog and seeing them produce such stunning and breathe taking works, make me wonder why did I chose to take up the Multimedia Design Course when I seldom practice what I have learn from there?
Did I take that path just for the sake of taking?
I am really truly very confuse as to what is the direction which I am heading.
At work, I am just a taker. Whatever they tell me to do, I do. I like to defend myself to the max when talking to them which I know is not the correct way to do in the working world.
Want to change job but none that is interesting. Going into another line also make me wonder if I am really up to that challenge?
I am really in a state of confusion.

I think i will need to borrow a pic that is done by my friend.
I need to credit him for making such a piece which suit the mood and feeling that I am in now.
So "Yosh, I hope you dun mind me using your pic here in my blog"(I using it already)