Moody/Gloomy

Ever since L went back to the country for holidays, life seems to be quite empty. Am I too deep into L? This always happen when L goes back for holidays, sms and msn seems very rare and sometimes to the zitch(nil).
The only thing that L sms me is to help to harvest and plant things on the online game. Am I only remembered when such things are need to be done? Many ppl told me that I should stop and back up abit, but I think the depth is quite deep for me to back up. Well, currently I believed that I have been taking a step at a time. The words tat L said keeps appearing in my mind and that is wat making me to take a step at a time. "No matter what I will still go back." Sometimes I wonder since this is the case why did L in the first place came here to study? If nothing here is worth for L to stay then why come? Still have to be bonded for 3yrs to pay off the tution loan. I really dun understand.
The funny thing is that even with this sentence that L said, I still like L and is like I only have 3 yrs to live with L beside me. Am I stupid in thinking so? Too traditional guy am I? Seeing the couple beside me whom just got together recently, I find them very different from L n me. Could it be that we are from different country and that the thinking is totally different? During the times in australia, L and I seems to think similar in some way but sometimes do have lots and lots of conflict.
Have hurt L so much, began to think back and reflect. Changed from the time I was in Aus and now. Well, at least I tend to listen to wat ppl say, change my attitude, smile more often(which some say I have yet done so)

Well, L is coming back soon and I am anxious to see her but on the other hand I am holding back.
Wat am i suppose to do?

Someone helpppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!